Mads Mikkelsen, the new villain from Casino Royale and Freddie Ljunberg
I think that I will never see a tree as lovely as a Scandinavian man.
I think most men will never be one who’ll sleep with girls like me.
So did you ever meet someone under intense conditions and everything clicks? It happens suddenly and you find yourself telling this person things that you’ve never told anyone else. And they start telling you the same kinds of things about themselves. And it goes on like this for hours and before you know it the following day is dawning. Heading home, with your panties in your purse, you realize that you know a lot of stories about this person.
But what do you really know?
Oh sure, he’s sexy, funny, and really sexy, too. But what about the deal-breaker stuff? What about the things you really need to know before this will ever happen again…
Does he drink his margaritas straight up? With premium tequila? Does he like a a little salt on the rim? Never Frozen!
And I like those longer Calvin Kleins, the boxer briefs, but only a certain kind of tall hot body can wear them, really. I’m ok with boxers, but white or blue or maybe checked, not starred or speckled or full of funny faces.
The beer, because beer is a necessity, can be domestic or imported, leaded or not, dark or lite, bottle or can, but must be beer not “near beer” because I don’t enjoy a drink with someone who can’t or won’t drink. But no icky sticky red bull and vodka slop. That kind of sweet lips I don’t need
Does he vote? There’s only one party that rocks my world.
Does he wear a watch? On the left or right? Mechanical or quartz? Can he tell time, be on time, does he have the time, does he time himself?
Does he have piercings? Like tequila shots – one is never enough but three is usually too many. Maybe more is getting beyond my ability to understand the motivation behind it and I worry he’ll want to borrow my silver hoops, since this is all I wear. Thank goodness I have no diamond studs he could steal and what’s up with those things that look like mini oreo cookies, one on each ear? He looks like the pygmies in National Geographic. Maybe I’m just too old for all this…
I like tattoos, although I can’t remember ever sleeping with one. Maybe in a dream, his name was Jack Sparrow and my name, Frankie, was right above his left nipple and when we split he changed it to Crankie.
Has he ever followed the Grateful Dead? A yes will probably be a deal breaker unless it was in his foolish youth but it probably means he had an intense relationship with weed and I’ve never been a fan of weed, I prefer to drink, tequila and rum and Negra Modelo, but nothing that makes my ears ring and my mouth dry and my brain feel drained of all common sense.
Cigarettes are ok, but I don’t smoke, never have, never will even though I’m a Gemini and that’s the sign of Mercury the messenger and the reason, I’ve been told, that I’m such a talker, and if I started smoking I probably could never stop and so I content myself with sucking on three venti vanilla lattes each day, chewing on the plastic lid each time I take a sip in order to satisfy my oral fixation.
What’s his position on the sideburn thing? I like a clean cut guy, it’s the way I was raised, with all those jocks, brothers that is, not athletic supporters, although I did have a crush on a Texas bluesy guitarist named Whitley, dirty long blonde hair like a heroin addict, which he was, but he quit and died of lung cancer instead.
Has he ever been out of this country? Does he have a valid passport? Can he take a plane by himself? Does he speak another language and I don’t mean using the word “fuck” as multiple parts of speech?
How many people does he support and is his mother one of them?
Has he ever read Shakespeare? Does he read at all besides the sports page? And a man who won’t watch a movie with subtitles is a small minded man. A man who won’t see a film in the theater is an even smaller minded man. It is probably true that there’s a whole generation that sees their movies on the small screen instead of the big one. And when a DVD is true to the format, does he know it’s not a technical difficulty?
Does he have a hair issue, that is, a lack of hair issue? Less is more in my book, as far as hair anywhere besides the top of his head.
But none of this matters, in the end, because the sexiest thing in the world is a big brain.
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